i am going to hurt her too, leave her alone, i am helpless, bond hand and feet, i feel helpless, a victim of destiny, fuck you all, don't you see me cry today, don't you see me hurt? i don't want to be the family scapegoat, giving up my love for all of you fucking people, first you crippled me, then you say oh we are taking care of you, so listen to us, you fucking people take my love away, for your fucking ideals, and god i don't know whose side you take, fuck you all, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you...i am sorry my love, i am so sorry, i forget that i am not allowed to love, to hope, to be happy, i brought you into my bleak prison bar, you little angel with rainbow in your heels, coloured up my grim grey world, i sapped all your spirit, even that couldn't brighten my filthy life, i am so sorry my little angel, i know that was why you can no longer fly, like a hungry vampire i sucked all your blood, leaving you pale and lifeless, sweet one you love me so much that you never even winced, people say how good i am that i love you so much, they never know what a merciless parasite i am, they never see how selflessly you love me, , ,

love me

i am angry with you god, i am angry with you life, i am angry with you world, i am angry with you lover, little me i am not angry with you, not anymore, me you are hurt so many times, so many ways, even god is not always kind to you, i cry for you me, i cry for your lost innocence swetheart, you are treated so calously by all those you loved, i hug you and comfort you, it is never your fault, the world doesn't know how to love your heart's purity, forgive them...i know the pain you feel is unbearable, but we have each other, i and me you, fuck her for not loving you, we will comfort each other in the cold lonely night, what is the point hurting each other, i will lie and hug me, the harsh wind will die, the storm will pass, we will be in a new world, i am sorry that you will not find her there, but you will be loved, i promise you, may be she will come for you, may be she will not, may be we will make it, may be not, but let us not be angry with each other, each other is all we have.

to let go, may be it is time to let go of hope, to let go of love, to let go of dreams, what point is there to hope, to love, to wish, that which was not meant for me , i cannot have that, thats the truth of life, i feel sad, not resentfull, somehings are never meant to happen, some dreams have no meaning, love i dont know what it is, for today i love you, i care for you, may be i always will, but you wouldn't, i cannot make you to, i do not know why love came to my life, why ??? may be someone else will love me, knowing that i do not love her, maybe we will make love, make home, may be it will always be a one night stand, i wanted to believe differently, i wanted to make god feel my love, i thought faith is all, ,,

confusion

you come like a whirlwind, "dont have net" you say, missing your friend i think, your smile so cute, in white Tee and jeans, you are an angel, i smile too, my heart dance in joy, to see you smile, you don't smile for me, but i smile anyway, you yahoo your friend, go away in a dash, i wish i was the one you smile for, i am confused, what to i feel, happy, sad, angry, you dont care, i wish i knew why i am so invisible, i wish i knew ...

My Shadow Muse

Is
FEAR
FEAR
FEAR
FEAR
FEAR

FEAR breeds anger, resentment,hatred, distrust,aloofness, pretence,
creates DEFENSES
the WALL is CRITICISM
and the Compliment is always FALSE because it is THE WALL that I let the world see

her friend is coming next Augast

she says jbean is coming next Augast, what if she likes him, what if she loves him, what if she choose him, what IF ???
what can you do, nothing, pray and hope, and fret out, no way, SHE LOVES ME, SHE LOVES ME, SHE ONLY LOVES ME,

you lost 20 thousand bucks

you have lost 20 thousand bucks for criticising, although the situation demands you should have refrained, be very carefull.